How I feel about not having any more children?

Today in a meeting I was reminded on numerous occasions about our journey to become parents. I know me and Mr. H won’t be having any more children. Read on to find out how I feel about about not having any more babies…

Building your own little family…I am lucky to have not one kid but two. I’m sure lots of mothers who have one or two children may make the decision not to have any more. People can’t just keep going like the old days; there arrives a point when you know you won’t or don’t plan to have any more babies. People decide not to have more children for lots of reasons.

Different stories…Some are probably trying to have their first, second or third child and sadly things may not be happening as fast as they’d like. My heart sinks when I hear of or sense others’ struggles to get pregnant. Nothing much can help with that wanting feeling. No pregnancy journey is straightforward. Everyone has their own story. Knowing that I won’t be having any more children reminds me of our story in the first place. We were were told that we had very slim chances of becoming parents.

“Maybe you’ll decide to have a third one day…” I’m not thinking about having any more children. It’s not part of our future as a little family. Some people assume you will always want more children. For me and Mr.H we know we’re good with two.

Not me...Many people who don’t know our full IVF story and why we needed to do IVF sometimes innocently comment “Oh but you might fall pregnant naturally next time”. Getting pregnant naturally, whether it’s planned or unplanned, will never happen to me. My body just isn’t built to have babies naturally. Fact. No nice words of hope and faith can change that. I have accepted that I’m built a certain way.

“But you can always do IVF again”…Some people make comments as they want to be positive. Going through IVF is no easy thing. The emotional, biological and physical pain is something else. You can’t guarantee any IVF process will be the same. Not everyone feels OK about going through it again. It’s not something I wish to try again.

The bumpness…Seeing bumps brings back pregnancy moments for me. Whether it’s the heaviness, the uncomfortableness or the fluttery moments, I treasure them all.  I won’t be feeling those things again but that makes me value my memories of being pregnant. Several of my friends are pregnant at the moment. I love seeing their bumpness but I also know every pregnancy comes with its tough moments.

Baby ways…As Toddler Munch is growing out of her baby ways, I’m also starting to think more about the opportunity I’ve been given to be a mummy. Yes I will miss the smallness and portability of a newborn. I know I have to focus my energy on what I have (seeing the girls grow up) instead of what I don’t have (the ability to have another baby). We still have a lifetime of firsts to look forward to.

I’d love to hear what you think about this blog post so leave a comment below if you have a free moment.

Thank you to Katrina Campbell Photography for capturing this picture of me and the girls as the last Mama Meet at Olive Loves Alfie East in Stratford, London. I’m doing a talk on Confidence, Career and Motherhood at the OLA MAMA event on Thursday 2 March 11am-1pm. Please pop over to this link for tickets.

The Pramshed
Advertisements

8 thoughts on “How I feel about not having any more children?

  1. esmelovesblog says:

    This can be a tough one. I remember having my son and thinking I would be happy with just one, then obviously changed my mind. After the birth of my daughter I had such a strong desire to have another (i blame the hormones)!!! We were living in India at the time and everyone would say ‘arh, family complete now’ as we had a boy and a girl. I think I am pretty happy with two now,..they are at an age where we can really get out and enjoy stuff and there is so much to look forward to. I hate the thought that I am done with that phase of my life (makes me feel old) but i think I am…I feel very blessed with the two I have.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oonagh Armstrong says:

    The pressure we feel from others is strong. People always ask me when I’m having more and reminding me I’m getting older! I have 2 and thought I wanted 5. At 37 that’s unlikely now. My 2 year old is no longer a baby and we can go places without having to take bags upon bags with us just to have lunch. Sometime I think I’m happy with two but then my cousin (who has 4 under 8) told me when she heard me say ‘ I can’t imagine never holding a newborn again’ that I’ll have another. She thinks when it’s your last, you know it’s your last. The indecision continues….
    Great post, love the blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sunita says:

      Thanks so much for stopping by Oonagh. It’s lovely to hear about your own experience. You’re right there is so much pressure. But we have to follow our own paths. Ha ha yes we don’t need as many bags now when we’re out and about! That’s def a bonus of the girls growing up. How wonderful you’re following the blog as we met so many years ago. Thanks for your lovely support and great to hear from you X your Insta likes have been fab too xx

      Like

  3. The Mum Reviews says:

    Thanks for generously sharing your thoughts on this. I know that people who don’t understand often say inappropriate things when they’re trying to be nice. I’m sure I’ve done it before! So it is great to see someone explaining the right way to support other mums. We all feel differently about these things. To be brutally honest, when I see a pregnant woman, I feel thankful it’s not me! I did not enjoy being pregnant, despite being grateful for my babies. I do miss their baby ways though, and get pretty nostalgic when I see small ones. Especially when they sleep with their arms flung above their head in the way babies do. #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Angela Watling says:

    A really honest post which I enjoyed reading. Until I suddenly wanted a child, I never appreciated how emotive the topic can be to a woman. You never know what is going on in someone’s life so don’t make comments however innocent they may seem. One tiny off-the-cuff comment can stir up real emotions in someone. I can’t imagine how you must have felt being told you might conceive naturally if you knew there was never a chance you would; that sort of comment doesn’t help you. I’m so happy that you have your beautiful children to nurture and care for though – I’m sure they bring you joy (and frustration!) everyday xx #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The Pramshed says:

    Thanks Sunita for sharing this post with us. It’s a difficult decision to make, and I can fully understand your reasons for not wanting anymore children. There are so many factors that go into making that decision, and no one has the right to question your decision. After all its your decision. What’s important is that you’re happy with what you’ve achieved so far, and loving being a family of 4. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s